Shattered Viel - Hitomi
Reality
The wind is cold… and warm. The wind is sharp… and gentle. The wind is rough, but he is also my best friend. I only have him, and he, well, he only had me.
I lay on my futon listening to a Japanese pop artist on my blue Beebop headphones. I listen to the discord of the guitar to the intense vocals. This artist sings true music. My fingers tap to the beat of the drum on my chest and my foot bounces with the bass, but my mind is elsewhere.
I feel a gentle breeze on my exposed forearms and a tingling feeling crawls over my skin and up my spin. I shiver. My eyes flutter open and I sit up proper, turning to face the window. The shoji are open to let the air into my otherwise stuffy tatami room.
At first, there is nothing there, but then, ever so slightly, the ghostly image of a man appears. He has a square jawline, long flowing black hair that reaches his elbow, and and a permanent mischievous grin.
“Hitomi hime, may I come in?”
I watch him closely without saying anything. He has this strange manner to him. He always asks for my permission first and he insists on calling me hime sama even though I most certainly am not. Though I entertain the idea of having him wait there for my reply, I find myself craving his affection.
“Douzo onegaishimasu,” [Please do.] I gesture for him to sit near to me. He steps into the room, doors rattling gently as he passes. He wears nothing on his feet and he is garbed in a plain white kimono with a blue sash tied around his waist, a samurai blade at his side.
He seems to glide over the tatami mats and sits seiza on the floor next to me.
“How have you been Hitomi hime?” I pull my headphones off my ears and listen to his breathy voice.
“Daijoubu desu.” [I’m fine] There's an awkward silence between us while I look at him and he smiles back, no words.
“Hime sama, you know you can tell me anything right?” He says, reaching out his hand for my shoulder.
“Sou desu, kedo … ” [I know...] I am not one of many words. I can’t express myself. My training was ridged and restricting. I always feel uncomfortable showing my feelings. I don’t know why that is. With Kaze sama it should be different. He’s been with me since as long as I remember, but still I cannot bring myself to emote.
He lifts his hand and gestures gently as if waving someone to pass. I feel a gentle breeze pick up the ends of my hair and nudge them off my face. The breeze caresses my pale clear skin, like a hand. I briefly blink my eyes and covet the comforting feeling it offers.
“Yamete kudasai." [stop, please] I beg. I open my eyes and see his frown. It saddens my heart and I regret being so cold.
“Something is on your mind Hitomi hime. You should not let it dwell there too long. You know what the Kannushi [shinto priests] would say to that.” His voice has become hard and cold. I turn away, ashamed and frustrated that he is right; I am wrong.
“Kaze sama…” I start, not knowing how to say what I feel. The tension in my heart is a tight knot. I spent years at the jinja on Minoh mountain. The Kannushi raised me from infancy and I owed them a great debt. I did not want to leave my mountain home, yet they forced me to leave and join the Order and I resented them for it. Of course I played along for many years and trained with the Japanese branch of magic. I was a valuable asset to the team, but I held onto my pain for years.
Now I was 17. My 18th birthday loomed with the next coming sun rise, and I knew I could not continue as I have been.
“Kaze sama…”
He looks at me, watching my face intently as I say his name. I can feel his pain in my heart as we are linked, spirit of the wind to his primary master, Shinto priestess to the Kaze kami Shrine, master of Kotodama and a Miko Shrine maiden. The baby born with rainbow eyes, marked as the master of the elemental gods.
“Gomen nasai, Kaze sama. Watashi wa anata o futōna atsukai o ukete kimashita.” [I’m sorry, I’ve done to you a great wrong.] I wilt under his gaze and I feel a single hot tear burn down my cheek.
He drops his formal posture and jumps toward me, taking me in his transparent arms. His warm grip cradles me and I lose my self-control. I am shameful. I am weak.
He holds me until I stop; hiccups all that remain of the episode. Then he pushes me to arms length and looks into my eyes, a serious, strong and determined look holds me still.
“You could never do me wrong. If you are troubled it is my fault for not noticing it sooner, Hitomi hime. Gomen na. [Forgive me.] I reach out my arms and wrap them around his upper chest. Despite being the embodiment of the great god of the wind, he is warm and strong and very solid in my feeble embrace.
“Arigatou. Kaze sama.” [Thank you.]
“What is it that troubles you?” He asks again.
“Watashi wa 10-nen mae ni saisho ni Keikai Renmei ni kuwawatta toki ni watashi no hontō no kimochi wo tsutaeru gimu ni shippai shimashita.” [I failed to tell you my true feelings 10 years ago, when I joined the Vigilance Order.]
“Do you mean about not wanting to leave the mountains and the jinja?” He points out bluntly.
“Zutto shitteita?” [You mean you knew? All this time?] I ask in disbelief. He nods.
“Hitomi hime, we are connected more than just my spirit. I know when you are not telling the truth.” He admits.
“Ima made, naze ni iwanakatta nodesu ka?” [Why did you not tell me?]
“Because you were not ready to admit it. It would have don't nothing if I had told you earlier. You would not have believed me.” I knew he was right, again. So wise he was. I forget that I am only 17 years, where he is centuries old. Millenia. Perhaps, Eons. “ Tell me now, Hitomi hime, tell me what’s on your heart.”
I pull away from him, reposition myself into seiza and place my hands on the floor before me. I bow my head to touch the tatami floor performing dogeza. “Kaze kami, totemo mōshiwakenaku omotte imasuga, watashi wa ie wo hanaretaku arimasendeshita. Watashi wa shisai tachikatsu watash wo okuridashite. Keikai Meirei ni ataeteshimou koto wo funkatsushimashita. Watashi no urami wa, watashi ga sute rarenai minikui kaibutsu ni natte imasu. Kono akuma kara watashi wo sukutte kudasai.” [Kaze kami, I am deeply sorry, but I did not want to leave my home. I blamed the priests for sending me away and resented them for giving me to the Vigilance Order. My resentment has become an ugly demon that I cannot cast aside. Please, save me from this demon.]
I remain in dogeza, hoping he understands my plea.
Suddenly I feel a strong gust of wind roll me over, facing the ceiling of my room. I stare up into his piercing blue eyes, brighter than the sky they reflect despite being indoors.
“You’ve dispelled your demon on your own. You have never needed me Hitomi hime. Come with me. I will show you something wonderful and you will hate me for it.” His face splits into such a mischievous grin that I cannot refuse. A rueful laugh escapes my lips and I comply fully.
Suddenly I feel the rush of the wind in my soul and it feels as if my skin is peeling from my bones. I struggle against the currents, bringing my hands together in a prayer position and speak the word for wind god. “Futen.” The torrents abate and my soul is lifted, floating with the ribbonous currents. Upwards we fly and over fields and mountains and forests we soar until we flutter down upon the cap of a mountain with a quaint jinja built into the summit. Kaze no kami jinja.
We flutter down to the ground and Kaze sama disconnects from me. I stand on the summit, hands together, blinking into the setting sun. I turn to face the tori gate of the kaze no kami jinja. It has been 10 years since I last saw this place.
My mouth falls open in astonishment. “Nande watashi wo koko ni tsurete kita nodesu ka? [Why have you brought me here?]
“You need to complete the circle. Go on.” He urges me toward the gate. I slowly approach the tori and bring my hands to my sides, bowing to his shrine home. I step through the tori and suddenly I see them, the priests who raised me, tending to the shrine as diligently as ever. They notice my presence at once and immediately bow. I flush red with embarrassment.
The moment passes too quickly as I notice something is off. The Kannushi, all of them, don’t look directly at me. If I concentrate on their movements they seem awkward and delayed. I frown hard.
“Use saru!” [Be gone!] I command. The Kannushi morph before my eyes into grotesque, misshapen akuma [demons]. I grit my teeth and steel myself. I am too close to this situation, and they know it. They come at me at once and I am ready.
“Kaze no kami shokan suru!” [God of the Wind, come to me!] His human guise dissolves and he comes raging toward me as a gust of mighty wind. “Korera no akuma o jigoku ni oku.” [send these demons to hell.] My voice is bitter with rage.
Kaze sama swirls about me like a tornado, forcing the akuma back and throwing them crashing into the trees and stone tori. I pull out a folded blue paper with a single kanji written on it. I whisper a prayer, powering the talisman and then spread my arms wide. A surge of power releases form the talisman and the akuma begin to burn.
Their retched screams peel across the mountainside until the last rays of sun dip below the horizon. I sink to my knees.
Kaze sama materializes, suddenly at my side.
“Hitomi hime? Are you ok?” He asks, hands up as if afraid to touch me lest I break.
My eyes closed, I look up at the darkening sky empty of stars tonight. Tears stream down my face. “Watashi wa mōshiwakenai to wa iikiremasen.” [I will never be able to say sorry.]
“I’m sorry, I should never have brought you here.” He says, resting his hands on my knees and bowing his head.
I place my shaking hand on his head, still crying. “Iie, arigatou.” [No, thank you.] I say. Now comes the grizzly task of burying the dead.
Long after the moon has risen and the darkness grips the mountaintop, Kaze sama and I join once more and return to the Order. It’s unlikely I’ll ever return to the mountain again. I must continue with my missions to protect the human world from destruction. Amaterasu willing, we will succeed in the coming storm.
