Beloved - Emrys
“I’ve filed the necessary paperwork and submitted it. I am requesting the release of Emrys Barnes as of today,” Craig tells the nurse standing outside.
“I’m sorry Mr. Kyles but patients cannot be released if they are deemed harmful to others and themselves. The protocol must be adhered to,” Susan says just outside the door.
I’m sitting on my bed, anxiously waiting. I haven’t touched my lunch. I hear Craigs voice outside arguing with the nurse.
“I submitted the files to protocol. If you have not heard of this yet then I’m an sorry to inconvenience you but I am here to pick up Emrys Barnes. This is happening today.”
“I have no such release documentation on file.”
“Then check again.”
“Mr. Kyles, it will not show up in ….”
“It's there, isn't it?”
“Yes, but…”
“So, I request the release of all his possessions at the time of admission and the prompt preparation of my new dependant.”
Susan huffs from outside the door. Craig must have caught her quite off guard, she’s always calm and cheery.
Next thing I know, Susan comes in alone. “Well Emrys, it looks like you’ll be leaving us. It’s time I remove these mits of yours.”
She reaches for my wrists and I feel my face fall in shock. They shake as she undoes the strap and gently pulls the mitts off one at a time. I feel a chill at the air touches my clammy hands. They feel stiff from the gloves. I flex my fingers for the first time in what seems like forever. I don’t count the occasions during the tests when they had them removed.
I feel a warm tear on my cheek as I hold them up. I’m sure I have a stupid grin on my face.
Before long, Craig and Melina return with a box of my seven year old things. Susen steps out to give us privacy. Meline stands by the door, eyes on the little black box in her hands. I’m curious what about what it is and why she’s always looking at it.
Craig places the box on the bed next to me, with a frown. “I’m sorry to say, but I don't think this will fit you.” He says holding up the small sweater and pants I had last worn before I donned white.
Merigold chuckles beside me. “Haha, imagine if you wore that now! You’d look like an imp! Hahaha.” She holds her stomach as she laughs, tears forming in her eyes.
“Not funny, what does an imp even look like?” I ask her. Craig looks at me and I see the corner of a smile form. He isn't afraid of the faeries? I can’t name the feeling I start to feel in my chest, it's like seeing something for the first time and knowing it's right, not strange. It feels… nice. I like it.
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I checked a few things, hmm?” He winks at me and pulls a bag out of his case Melina brought in with them. He passes the bag to me and gestures for me to open it. Slowly I peer inside.
I first pull out a pair of brown pants, they are a soft material. They seem thick compared to the white outfit I wear now.
“Those are Corduroy. I thought it would keep you warm outside as it’s already winter. We can pick you up more at a later time.” I move slowly, in awe that I am receiving something from someone who barely knows me. Not since I was admitted have I ever received anything from another. I carefully place the corduroy pants next to me and pull out a light grey long sleeve shirt. At the bottom is a thicker bundle and when I pull it out I see it's a jacket that has dark coloured squares in a rough fuzzy material. Some of the browns match the corduroy pants.
“Th-thanks!” Is all I say, not sure what to do.
“You’re welcome. I’ll step out and let you change.”
I look as Merigold as he shuts the door, Melina following after him. “What? You want me to get out too.”
“No, I just…” I shrug, not sure how to say I’m nervous. She turns around and gestures me to hurry up.
I’m so excited I fumble with the button on the pants, my hands shaking. I even put the coat on in my anticipation. I look to the old window glass and glimpse my reflection in the panes. The clothes fit perfectly, as if I’d been measured. It was warm and felt heavy compared to the patient's outfit. Merigold turns around and gasps.
“Emrys! Look!” She bounces up to me, smiling. “We match!” She’s pointing to the dark almost purple squares on the coat that match her hair.
I laugh, “Yeah, we do! That's great!” I hear a knock and Craig comes back in with an approving nod.
“Looks like it fits. I’m glad. The colour matches too.”
“Thank you,” I say again.
“Don't mention it.” Craig says with a warm smile.
“How did you know my size?” I ask.
“Ah, that, I took your file a while back to get your size and some other things.
Merigold and I quickly lock eyes, If he took the file, then, that's why Dr. Miles couldn’t find it maybe! We smile like we’re sharing a secret.
“Let’s see what else is in here,” he pulls out a knitted hat with string ties and a pair of mitts way too small for my hands. “Well, this hat looks like it was big for you back then, maybe it’ll fit now,” he passes me the hat. I pull it on and Merigold gives me a thumbs up.
“It suits you”
“It suits you kid,” they both say.
I laugh.
“What?!” Craig asks.
“Oh, umm. You both said the same thing.”
“Ahh. Well, If she agrees then you must have a good fashion sense. That seems to be all in the box. Is there anything you want to do before we leave?”
“Actually, would you happen to have a brush?” I ask.
Craig grin tweaks up on one side. “I do.” He reaches into his own pocket and passes me a travel comb.
I crawl onto the bed and look in the window, combing out the knots and styling it the way I’ve wanted it to look when I leave. Merigold crosses her arms on the sill, frowning.
“You took out the braid,” she huffs.
“Oh, sorry,” I apologize as she hops to my shoulder and begins braiding a small piece by my ear.
“There,” she says when she’s finished. I thank her and stand up, awkwardly placing my hands at my sides.
“Ok! I’m ready!” I don’t feel like me, but then I realise, I don't really know what me feels like. I can hardly call my time here truley being myself. It seems the whole world is waiting, holding its breath for me.”
“Alright, follow me.” Craig picks up the case, passes it to Melina, and leads me out the door. I follow in stocking feet, Merigold perched on my shoulder. He leads me down the elevator and to the front door. I see Susan at the front desk, filing paper. There’s no one else around.
This is it! I feel an energy coursing through me, an energy I’ve never felt before. I want to… run! Instead I bounce on the spot. In the entryway Craig passes me a box.
“You’ll need these.” I take off the lid and see a brand new pair of shiny brown leather shoes. I hear Merigold’s gasp. They’re very fine. I take them out and slip my feet into them. When I get to the laces, I feel a heat rise up my neck. I hold them, dumbfounded.
“I… I don’t remember how to tie laces.” I say softly, not wanting to be heard.
He kneels down beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about it. We’ll cover that too. Let me help.” I lean back and watch his fingers move, twisting the laces together and tying them off in a bow. I add this to the list of things I want to learn.
“There. Ready?”
“Ready!” Craig holds open the front door and I take a deep breath of the outside air. It’s cold and clear, almost sharp in my throat. I exhale and see my breath. Before anyone can stop me I dash out the door, half touching the ground half floating like a leaf above it. I’m uncontrollable in my excitement.
There's a light white layer of snow on the ground but I barely leave a print. I throw out my arms and spin in the free air looking up at the sky. It's clear and blue, so bright. The sun shines down on me and I feel a warmth on my cold cheeks. It's brightness hurts as I look into it. I exhale a smoky fog that is my breath and laugh.
“I’m free!” Suddenly I’m surrounded by the faeries I’ve spent so long watching. They have huge smiles and flutter and dance around me. I turn about, looking at each of them happily. I feel like it’s a giant group hug.
Craig steps up behind me, hands in his pockets. “It’s good to see that smile. Let’s get going shall we?” He points to a car parked in the circle before the entryway. It's a shiny black car with darkened windows. I look back at the asylum and look up at the window that might have been my room.
“I still can’t believe I’m free.” I breathe. I’m free. I’m really free.
